i’m always in search of the affirmation and thrilled when i find it {from page 6 of “raising happiness” by christine carter, PhD} #natureversusnurture #embryoadoption #ourmiracle #happy #raisinghappiness

you do not know the true origin of your children. you call them yours but they belong to a greater mystery. you do not know the name of this mystery, but it is the true mother and father of your children.
at birth your children are filled with possibilities. it is not your job to limit these possibilities. do not say, “this and that are possible for you. these other things are not.” they will discover on their own what is and is not possible. it is your job to help them stay open to the marvelous mysteries of life.
-william martin, the parent’s tao te ching #truth #taoteching #dharma #parenthood #toddlerlife #embryoadoption #snowflakebaby #infinitepossibilities @themrbros

this may have been one of the most special occasions of my life. this life just continues to amaze me… (posted with approval) #brothers #donorsiblingregistry #embryoadoption #dreamsreallydocometrue #thiskid #seattlegram

"finding our families" by wendy kramer was released on december 3rd.  it’s december 4th, and i’ve read most of it.  it’s an easy read and lots of it doesn’t really pertain to my family, which is a bit frustrating.  it focuses on donor families, but nothing (yet?) about embryo adoption. embryo adoption really falls into its own category — not quite donor-issue, not quite traditional adoption.  and to keep things exciting, giacomo banjo sort of falls into both categories, because his genetic egg provider was, in fact, a donor.

we registered on www.donorsiblingregistry.com (DSR) when i was still pregnant. we became lifetime members once giacomo was born.  i actually communicated directly with wendy kramer by email when i registered because there really isn’t a clear way to list your request if you’re an embryo-adopted child. together, we figured out a somewhat redundant way to request contact from the genetic sperm provider separately from the genetic egg donor.  needless to say, we haven’t heard from either.  

we are somewhat hopeful that the egg donor will be interested enough to check out the DSR at some point.  we have less hope about the couple who actually donated their remaining embryos.  we have been told that when they donated the embryos they were not at all interested in learning more about any children who might result, but were directed to the DSR if they ever changed their minds in the future.

it is still my greatest wish for him that he have the opportunity to connect with his genetic providers one day.  fingers crossed…

xo

UPDATE: i just checked the DSR and received a message from the mother of one of giacomo’s half siblings.  i learned that he has a genetically related half-brother, named “max” who was born in january 2013 — one year after giacomo.  giacomo’s egg donor was in fact, a returning donor, meaning she had donated once before, apparently to a family who then went on to donate their remaining embryos, just like giacomo’s genetic sperm provider’s family did.  i am pretty much freaking out right now.  

one & done?

we’ve been wondering, too… will we add another child to our family?

how do people decide?

i guess most families start with a pre-conceived (pun intended) idea of what their family will look like, what members it will contain. “two children, one dog, one cat, white picket fence, station wagon…” but that didn’t happen for us. in fact, we were undecided about marriage and children in the first place - and now we have two remaining embryos and one perfect (and i mean perfect) little boy. do we go for another?

how do we decide?

there may be pros and cons for us as parents, but more importantly what might benefit giacomo most? i’m an only child, while chad has a sister five years his junior, so we each come to the table with our own perspectives on siblings versus solo life.

there are no guarantees in life, nothing to assure us that a second child might not upset our lovely apple cart… or perhaps they would be the icing on our cake and their addition to our family made us feel “complete?” how will we know how to decide?

one aspect we are certain of is that we would want our children to all be biologically related to each other. we would only add to our family by using one of our remaining embryos. it feels very important to us. in fact, so important that we’ve taken measures to see to it that we don’t have any of our own biological children. the chances of me becoming pregnant with my egg and chad’s sperm were very slim, but just to be certain, chad had a vasectomy this afternoon.

the procedure went very well and took about 45-minutes from beginning to end. we will be spending this weekend around the house, keeping things low-keyed and focusing on his speedy recovery.

…and probably having pizza for dinner at least one time.

xo